by China De Vera

What will I do after retiring?
I’ll groom my cats and stare
at my vomiting wooden cabinets
with books
I authored.
Look after my first
grandchild skipping ropes
in a well-trimmed backyard.
Sometimes, invites for
University lecture,
judge for contest,
presentation of papers,
consultation,
and tea party
will keep me busy
but not too preoccupied
not to water my plants.

What am I doing now?
I answer calls and stare
blankly
at my payslip.
Thought that writing
will feed me.
But when I’m bored, I write
names of children
I will not have
Elisa,
Talinghaga,
Ligliway,
Antonio,
Diwa,
and Haraya.
How unforgiving these names are
when I scribble them
in empty
papers,
walls,
tissues
and palms.
Accusing,
even with metaphors,
I’m barren.

Editor’s Note on Monologo:

Monologo is not China De Vera’s first work to appear in Eastlit. Her previous published pieces are:

• Unit 136 appeared in Eastlit November 2014.